Since Dave has come out and admitted that I am his child, I figured that I should share some things about him that you might not already know. I wish I had more, but I moved out as soon as I could…I was 2 years old. Some of these items Dave has been trying to hide for years. Since he has turned over a new leaf and wants to disclose everything I figured I would do my part in helping him out.
This post is in response to Dave’s post here. While I do enjoy the humor in it, I find it disgusting that Dave thinks he is even half the man my father is.
Just to keep you up to date…
Dave did an amateurish expose on how I don’t exist, then did a second part about how Willie and Dave were the ones behind FireCritic.com. Then, Dave came out and stated he was my father.
So which is it Dave? I still believe in my theory that you want to be me. Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery. I WAS amazed to find several photos on Dave’s laptop that he had professionally altered to show that he is/was a firefighter. Apparently, Dave was ready to use these fake photos to show everyone that I was wrong. Before he dupes you guys anymore, I feel the need to break the story on these phony photos and save the fire service further embarrassment by Dave Statter.
Please feel free to add anything you would like to the list in the comments. If we get some real good ones, I will add them to the list!
What you should know about the REAL Dave Statter
- Dave quit the fire department after only a couple of days because they already had a photographer
- Dave thought about rejoining, but they didn’t have an ambulance
- Dave loves Jerry Engle
- He has a bumper sticker that says “My other car is a firetruck”…It’s not
- Dave’s real name is David
- Dave’s real last name is Statterstein
- Dave is afraid of zombies
- Dave doesn’t stutter, he just repeats certain parts of words a lot when he is excited
- Dave reads a lot….of picture books
- Dave wets the bed
- Dave always has to use the restroom after eating…to avoid having to clean up or pay the bill
- Dave doesn’t wear any underwear…he wears a man diaper
- Dave did not invent the internet
- Dave thinks Kentland should have 3 ambulances
- Dave only likes blue m&m’s
- Dave’s favorite singer is Justin Bieber
- Dave’s nickname in high school was buger
- Dave’s nickname in college was man-child
- Dave once spent 3 hours looking all over a firehouse for a hose stretcher
- Dave is a draft dodger. He went to Mexico after Canada kicked him out.
- Dave sucks his thumb
- Dave was caught wearing a woman’s dress…twice
- Dave once spent 2 hours trying to pick a penny up off the sidewalk. Someone had glued it down.
- Dave’s favorite book is “I want to be a firefighter”. It was written for 3 year olds.
- Dave thinks FEMS is a good name for DCFD
- Dave doesn’t know how to write cursive
- Dave can recite the first 3 digits of Pi
- Dave has a picture of me hanging over his mantel
- When Dave golfs, he uses the ladies tees
- Dave sleeps with a nightlight
- Dave wears a shirt when swimming