The Unseen Voice

Submitted article by Jennifer Leininger

Life Force Air Medical – Erlanger Healthcare System. Chattanooga, TN. photo by Josh VanDusen

Reflecting upon the last two recent in the line of duty deaths in our community has caused me to rethink about my role as a dispatcher. My heart goes out to my co-workers as they grieve for the loss of the officer and firefighter.  The typical stereotype for dispatchers (also known as Communications Officers) is that they move on and are not supposed to grieve, they are mostly unseen, unheard and their feelings and emotions are not considered.   Who will check on them from the outside?  Who will ensure them that they did everything they could to help?  Who even considers them part of the big picture?

Let’s face it, the dispatchers are mostly unseen.  The dispatchers are expected to serve the public and field units but I question who is there for them?  The effects of high priority incidents, incidents involving fatalities, and even trouble runs can cause the dispatcher to feel helpless.  The nightmares and sometimes panic attacks experienced by the dispatcher can be detrimental to their health and mental well-being.  It seems like no one knows how some calls could affect the dispatcher or puts uncertainties in the decisions they have to make every day. It appears that every dispatcher has a rolodex of calls that are good, bad, and even funny that they carry with them.

Ask any dispatcher-those calls never fade away and tend to be remembered for years to come just as if they happened yesterday. The dispatcher is often asked by family and friends to tell of calls they have processed and their outcomes. Most of the time, the dispatcher tells the story of the initial call and response but does not know the outcome of the situation.

I am certain that people question why, after 15 years as a dispatcher, I would be upset up over people suffering misfortunes and I don’t know them.  Maybe it is because I care about the safety of the field units-even though I do not know them on a personal basis or the people I speak with on the phone.  I feel a responsibility to maintain their safety and well-being day in and day out on every shift.  I am of the opinion that I am truly the first responder and serve as a lifeline to the public and field units. The potential exists that I could be the one who sends the field units into their last call.   Every question, signal choice, or decision I make could make or break the call and response for them.

It is a weight unknown to almost any field unit whether they serve as police, firefighter or emergency medical personnel. Sometimes the personal responsibility I feel is overwhelming.  For every one officer, ems personnel or firefighter, I feel the weight of at least five people depending on me. The list can include their spouse or significant other, their siblings, parents and children.  At times, I feel like I am carrying the world on my shoulders-feeling the responsibility to return them safely to their families.

I find myself analyzing and reanalyzing every major incident and detail to ensure my actions were correct and everyone can return to their loved ones safe and sound. Some of the questions that pop into my mind during my analysis and reanalysis of the day’s events are:  If I have made a mistake, how do I pursue a different course of action to affect an alternate outcome?  Is the mistake a procedural issue from the field, my department, or simply just me?  Did I hinder their response or the outcome of the call?  Did I make the right decision?  Was my gut feeling correct?

My relationship with the Police Officers, Medics and Firefighters whom I dispatch for is borrowed and special for that reason alone. They are like a member of my extended family. Their well-being is a direct reflection of how well I do my job whether I am answering incoming calls or dispatching on the radios.   I have heard things that cannot be unheard.  I have cried many tears walking out of work, wondering if I did well that night and gave it my best effort. The what-if game is never ending, it is also completely unavoidable.

Dispatching can be a thankless job. It is the type of job that can be hard and not for everyone.  I have concluded this job is for me. I have grown to love my job and cannot see myself doing anything else. I continue to strive daily for perfection in an imperfect and changing world.  I have learned that no two days or calls are the same. My hope is for all the responders to stay safe out there.

Jennifer Leininger

This article was written by
Jennifer Leininger
Communications Training Officer

As seen on FireCritic.com

FC Note: Grieving Behind the Badge is a great site with resources to assist first responders cope with our occupations and what we are exposed to emotionally. There are many more great resources, feel free to share one in the comments.